SymphonyArts

NONONONONO da Gear shop ... dont close.....I dont have money to buy stuff from you guys yet TT.TT........  I'm not old enough to buy things online yet TT.TT

Hey guys!
I realized that it has been a while since I´ve last posted a journal on my deviant art... In all honesty A LOT has happened lately..
well first thing that´s first.... I AM A HUGE ACADEMIC FAILURE.. yeah that´s right, I´m being forced to drop down to partial IB... I always knew I was bad at math but I ever thought I would do so bad that I'd be forced to drop the course. I feel extremely stupid. In all honesty, i would have never transferred into this school if I knew that I would have ended up like I am now. Every day coming to this stupid place is so damn depressing. I really really really miss my old high school. Graduating a year earlier at the normal school level would have been so much more ideal. Now I´m stuck in high school for another year because I chose to challenge myself and I just end up failing everything. Instead of being able to take what I need for university, I´m stuck with working my ass off for no reason. I never thought i would end up with art as my only future option, but that is the situation that I´m in.... well unless I wanted to be an English teacher (but there is too much competition and too much marking). Somewhere along the way I managed to mess up so badly that I´m unable to go for a science degree... so much for neuroscience. Waving goodbye to marketing(thanks for ruining my dreams math). So yes. I´m stuck with art. I like art so what is the problem? The problem is that I like all types of art, I'm too varied. Studio, filming, photography, literature, history..... I'ts all there. I cant really choose. I still have a year to decide... but its stressful because I have a bit less than a year to make a portfolio. Meaning that I have no clue what I'm supposed to put in it or to focus on. And the fact that I only have oh so long to produce enough works for a portfolio is really stressful... If I had stayed at my old high school, my grade 12 year would have been made of purely art courses (if I chose not to graduate a year early). To me, al it means is more time.  All I can say is that there is way too much stress, my scheduals even overlap each other... I never have time for myself anymore... all I do is alternate between school, volunteering and athletic training. I wish I could call everything off for a while and not have to worry about anything. Oh what I would give for those days that I used to hang out with friends or go for a walk in interesting landscapes just to take photos. I cant remember the last time I watched TV or had time to sit down and read a book of my choice (usually some book about philosophy, leadership or marketing). More than ever I miss my old friends. Over at my current school I know almost nobody. There are only 2-3 people that I can actually share a laugh with... It's horrible. Especially for someone like me who is in constant need of attention from others (yes I admit it). It's not like my health is any better either. I think the last time I was not sick was September... lovely. I can only train so hard for athletics. For the last few months I've had no results. It seems as if every time I try to do something I just end up messing it up.I try so hard just so I can fail. What is the point of doing what i have been doing all this time?